Therapy

I'm not doing well without basketball on. This offseason in particular, I've realized how much the NBA bookends my days. I never go out, gotta be home by 6:30 for the TNT game. Without that structure, I'm the sheltered 18 year old version of Rodman's Vegas pilgrimage. Trust me, life has gone off the rails.

With basketball just one week away, I'm feeling the pressure more than ever to keep my sanity together.

Do I...

• train to get obnoxiously good at darts on my dust-collecting dartboard

• finish volume 6 of The Sandman but vocally trash the Netflix show that I haven't even watched

• close my laptop and dance to the Gorillaz song playing right now ("Strobelite")

• make a 100 player tiered NBA ranking

I figure you can guess which option I chose. This is Basketball Beeswax after all. When I make the Gorillaz Gazette it'll be a different story.

Couple prerequisites before we get going. Firstly, this list is based entirely on Simon Pruitt's eye test. I consulted zero stats or numbers while making this list. Purely what I see when I watch games, and I watch a lot of games.

Secondly, there's a number of players that will be noticeably absent from this list. I've chosen to disqualify Anthony Davis, Kawhi Leonard, Jamal Murray, Zion Williamson, Kyrie Irving, Damian Lillard, Ben Simmons, Michael Porter Jr, and Malcolm Brogdon. At the form we last saw them in, all of the listed players would surely be on this ranking. Unfortunately due to injuries and vaccine statuses, there's no way to quantify this group's skill relative to their healthy and vaccinated counterparts.

Without further ado, enjoy my heart and soul poured onto an NBA ranking's canvas. I'll be back soon.

1. Giannis Antetokounmpo

2. Nikola Jokic

3. Steph Curry

4. Luka Doncic

5. Joel Embiid

— TIER ONE —

6. Ja Morant

7. Jayson Tatum

8. LeBron James

9. Kevin Durant

10. Jimmy Butler

— TIER TWO —

11. Jrue Holiday

12. Devin Booker

13. Chris Paul

14. DeMar DeRozan

15. Trae Young

16. Zach LaVine

17. Brandon Ingram

18. Paul George

19. Khris Middleton

20. Bam Adebayo

21. Anthony Edwards

22. Draymond Green

— TIER THREE —

23. Jarrett Allen

24. Donovan Mitchell

25. Jaylen Brown

26. Karl Anthony-Towns

27. Rudy Gobert

28. Darius Garland

29. Jaren Jackson Jr

30. James Harden

— TIER FOUR —

31. Pascal Siakam

32. CJ McCollum

33. Cade Cunningham

34. Andrew Wiggins

35. Domantas Sabonis

36. Bradley Beal

37. Desmond Bane

— TIER FIVE —

38. Dejounte Murray

39. Tyrese Maxey

40. Jordan Poole

41. Jalen Brunson

42. Evan Mobley

43. Scottie Barnes

44. Kristaps Porzingis

45. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

46. De’Aaron Fox

— TIER SIX —

47. Jonas Valanciunas

48. Marcus Smart

49. John Collins

50. Mikal Bridges

51. RJ Barrett

52. Deandre Ayton

53. Reggie Jackson

54. Spencer Dinwiddie

55. Julius Randle

56. Fred VanVleet

57. Tyrese Haliburton

58. Al Horford

— TIER SEVEN —

59. Lonzo Ball

60. Bogdan Bogdanovic

61. Klay Thompson

62. Sekou Doumbouya

63. Kyle Lowry

64. LaMelo Ball

65. Robert Williams III

66. OG Anunoby

67. Kevon Looney

68. Tyler Herro

69. Montrezl Harrell

70. Herb Jones

— TIER EIGHT —

71. Jordan Clarkson

72. Anfernee Simons

73. Nikola Vucevic

74. Kevin Huerter

75. Clint Capela

76. Jusuf Nurkic

77. Saddiq Bey

78. Terrance Mann

79. Buddy Hield

80. D’Angelo Russell

81. Christian Wood

82. Josh Giddey

83. Norman Powell

84. Tobias Harris

85. Myles Turner

— TIER NINE —

86. Terry Rozier

87. Kevin Love

88. Seth Curry

89. Dorian Finney-Smith

90. Kyle Kuzma

91. Alex Caruso

92. Marcus Morris

93. Mike Conley

94. Bobby Portis

95. Brook Lopez

96. Lu Dort

97. Ricky Rubio

98. Gordon Hayward

99. Dillon Brooks

100. Obi Toppin

— TIER TEN —

Ineligible: AD, Kawhi, Jamal Murray, Zion, Kyrie, Lillard, Simmons, MPJ, Brogdon