The Greatest League That Doesn't Exist: ISO BALL

Since I started this blog, I’ve tried to maintain a Monday-Wednesday-Friday posting schedule. Just like the rest of my life, I failed. I shared the same sentiment in my all time player rankings just 3 weeks ago: “Despite having zero prior engagements or legitimate reasons not to work, I have nothing prepared to post tonight. My procrastination has reached a record high as I finally have 24 hours every day to write and I still don’t do it.” In an effort to provide my 38 daily viewers (pageview joke #6) with quality sports content, I went through my entire Google Docs archive looking for some kind of basketball list or outline made while I should’ve been doing homework. I stumbled upon one of my greatest conceptual writings and I’d love to share it with you. I call it Iso Ball.

Iso Ball (Isolation Basketball) is my hypothetical 1v1 basketball league featuring players from any level. While I acknowledge that an exclusively 1v1 league perpetuates the idea that basketball is becoming less and less team oriented, I can’t stop thinking about how successful this would be in the right hands. I view Ice Cube’s Big3 as validation for my overwhelming confidence in Iso Ball becoming a permanent fixture in basketball culture. Big3 managed to sell out arenas with 5 hours of retired and out of shape men playing under a completely unknown set of rules. Assuming everything goes as planned, Iso Ball would have current and recognizable stars from top to bottom playing 1v1 under the common park rules that every fan is familiar with. However, “common park rules” is still extremely vague to most people. Allow me to clarify in a way that will further confuse those who didn’t understand before.

• Halfcourt only

• 2 pointers count as 1, 3 pointers count as 2

• First to 16 wins

• Make it, Take it

• Extremely loose foul calls

I contemplated adding a dribble limit to the rulebook but ultimately decided against it. While a max number of dribbles per possession does emulate the real flow of a basketball game, it doesn’t fit the ideal vibe of my league. I want Iso Ball to be somewhat of a celebration of the hard work players put into the game by giving them a medium to showcase their skills. It isn’t meant to be a legitimate assessment of a player’s talent, rather an exaggerated glorification of their play style and brand. My use of the word ‘exaggerated’ was intentional. I want to go all in on the theatrical aspects of sports. Pro wrestling-esque entrances, theme songs, pyrotechnics, etc. Think of it as the perfect combination of the NBA and the UFC. Each event would be treated and promoted exactly like a standard UFC card, only replacing fights with 1v1 basketball games. You could even bring in a Buffer brother to introduce the players or make a title belt for the biggest events.

Now to the question I’m sure you’ve been asking from the start of this article: who’s going to play? Ideally, I’d like to structure each Iso Ball card in a way that shines a spotlight on every sector of competitive basketball. The sport itself is an anomaly in its massive popularity at the lowest amateur level. Fans pack gyms across the country to see high school stars such as Mikey Williams play, even in a low stakes game. His stardom is largely due to the huge social media presence of companies like BallisLife and Overtime and their consistent coverage of him along with many other standout amateur athletes. I want to parlay high school basketball’s relevance into Iso Ball by pitting some of the most well known stars against each other at the top of the show. What better way to showcase their talent then to be featured in a large scale paid event alongside college players and pros? Due to the almost barnstorming nature of Iso Ball as it exists in my mind, we’d have to strategically book college and high school athletes that are better known in the particular city or state they’re performing in. Long story short, there won’t be anyone flying in for an Iso Ball show.

The biggest potential flaw in my imaginary basketball league is the booking of NBA players to headline each show. Let’s be realistic, there probably won’t be any NBA inclusion during the regular season and it’s understandable. Despite the fact that 1v1 games between players happen CONSTANTLY during the season and that they would be getting paid for playing at Iso Ball, I don’t see any player risking injury for a game to 16 regardless of the irrationality. However, I also don’t see any player turning down the chance for some quick money and a game during the offseason. Iso Ball summers should be glorious. What if things get chippy in a playoff game between two people in particular such as Ben Simmons and Jared Dudley in the 2019 Playoffs? Have them settle the beef in June at Iso Ball. Another idea would be to hold an event during All Star Weekend with the top non-All Stars at the closest college arena. With this kind of booking strategy, everyone wins. Players at every level get paid, fans get to see some of the most talented athletes go at it in a completely new manner, and we build the ‘character’ and brand of every participant. A 1v1 game is as intimate of a competition as it gets. Zero distractions, just you and your opponent. We could see sides to people that would otherwise never come out. This idea could be taken further by putting a mic on each contestant and using unconventional cinematic camera angles for sports.

I truly love this idea and I’m only sharing it with the world because I’m afraid something like it might happen soon and I want to take all the credit for it. If you’re reading this and you happen to be some sort of an investor or NBA executive, contact me at simonpruittbusiness@gmail.com. I’d really love to talk, even if it isn’t about Iso Ball. I’m 16 and I spend the majority of my time writing a blog, I clearly need friends. I’ll close this article with an incredibly unrealistic match card to give you an idea of what types of pairings I’d seek out for an event. ¡Adiós!

1. Julian Newman vs Bronny James

2. Jalen Green vs Cade Cunningham

3. Anthony Edwards vs Obi Toppin

4. James Wiseman vs Onyeka Okongwu

5. Marc Gasol vs Pau Gasol

6. Kemba Walker vs Kyrie Irving

7. Damian Lillard vs Russell Westbrook