NIGHT TWO

• The Ambidextrous Mike Conley

Ladies and gentlemen, I miraculously still care about this article that started four nights ago. While that may be detrimental to society in the long-term, it's 2020 and I don’t have any better way to spend my time so let’s keep this train rolling. Night two of the NBA HORSE Challenge opened with semifinalists Mike Conley and Chauncey Billups competing on their equally obnoxious courts. While Conley’s home gym is only frustrating within context of this event, Billups’ outdoor court with “SMOOTH” engraved along the baseline would be irritating regardless of the time. Conley’s admitted ambidexterity was both a significant advantage in the event and the most relevant talking point from host Mark Jones and fellow competitors. I was particularly impressed by Conley casually sinking a right-handed 3pt shot that looked smoother than most NBA players’ dominant hand jumper. Conley made quick work of the veteran point guard and advanced to the finals.

• Zach LaVine Brings Athleticism to HORSE

I always assumed HORSE was a low stakes game that could be played by nearly anyone. Zach LaVine changed my mind. Tonight’s second match featured Zach LaVine taking on Allie Quigley who arguably competed in the two best matches of the tournament. LaVine was surprisingly very competitive, opting not to take jumpshots against the 2-time WNBA Three-Point Contest Champion. LaVine’s HORSE repertoire consisted of acrobatic layups from underneath the basket that Quigley couldn’t replicate. The best part about the event as a whole was Quigley becoming increasingly concerned about LaVine’s shots as he described and performed them with relative ease. Quigley’s facial expressions straddled the thin line between awe and fear in a way I wouldn’t have expected from a game of HORSE.

• Mike Conley vs Zach LaVine

To no one’s surprise, Mike Conley won the NBA HORSE Challenge. I don’t want to criticize him too much. The brutal truth is that this will likely be his highest career accolade. In an optimistic outlook, Conley will go down as the best player to never make an All-Star team. Strangely, I think that’s better for his legacy. I would much rather be remembered as the best non-All-Star ever than be a one or two time All Star who is only remembered through basketball-reference or a Bill Simmons re-draft. Despite that bleak career analysis, Conley was exceptional and proved to have a deep bag of tricks. He ended the contest on a running scoop layup from behind the backboard. On the other hand, LaVine was uncharacteristically conservative and settled for easier shots than he took in prior games. I’ll keep this article short as opposed to the novel I wrote on Monday. Conley won and few are surprised. I am not one of those few as I predicted such an outcome in Monday’s piece, “Basketball Beeswax recommends putting any and all savings on Conley winning the tournament. Thank us later.” Now would be the time to thank us. Also why did I say “us”?

The NBA HORSE Challenge taught us more lessons than Twitter and blogs will give it credit for. Rather than go in-depth on each of them, I’ll list what I thought were the key takeaways from this unique event.

• Trae Young is just as boring as we thought in the 2K Tournament

• Chauncey Billups is somehow in better shape than Paul Pierce in 2020

• Zach LaVine is super competitive

• Allie Quigley is the perfect pickup teammate

• Indoor courts are undoubtedly better than outdoor couts

Image Credits: Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports